his birthday

tomorrow is his birthday but there's nothing i can do..i wish that i could wish him but it seems like it's impossible thing to do. aku x tau macam mana nak describe apa perasaan ku sekarang..alangkah indah kalau dia dapat tau yang seseorang slalu mengingati birthday dia malahan tak sabar menunggu saat itu. dan alangkah bahagianya aku kalau dapat wish 'happy birthday' kat dia....aku sangkakan aku mempunyai harapan utk wish but today i found out that i can't. something prevents me from doing so.

aku tak mengerti dengan apa yang ku lalui sekarang. i'm not in love with him. how could it be? he's a stranger! wlaupun selalu jgk bertembung, we don't even talk.. senyum pun tak..kadang2 je terpandang satu sama lain. that's it. it can't be love. impossibe! but what about this feeling? he's always on my mind, he even comes in my dreams...aku selalu TERfikirkan dia, TERangankan dia dan TERmimpikan dia. how could i control this when it happens unconsciously.

aku tau, sedar dan pasti hanya aku saja yang mengalami keadaan ini. mustahil untuk dia juga rasa apa yang aku rasa kerana aku masih waras dan sedar lagi siapa aku di mata dia..hanya orang yang lalu lalang. some say that in order to be happy, just follow your heart. i wish that i could follow my heart but i can't coz it goes astray, it leads me to him... which isn't supposed to. what i have to do now is to control my heart. i won't let it drifts away. so, sempena birtday dia esok...aku akan cuba sebaik mungkin untuk padam perasaan ini before i fall too deeply. i can't promise myself coz i have no confidence but all i can do is to try my very best. yes, i will coz i can. aja aja fighting! go go go!

To you:

-->HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE! (wish that i could really say it to u)
-->SEMOGA PANJANG UMUR, SIHAT DAN HAPPY SELALU...
-->NO MATTER WHERE U ARE, WHAT U DO AND WHO U WITH, I'LL PRAY FOR U...
-->IT'S OK IF U DON'T NOTICE ME COZ I'M GOING TO FORGET THIS FEELING...
-->...COZ EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND I DO BELIEVE THAT...

bila April tiba...

erm...dlm beberape minit lg brakhir la 20 april 2010...tarikh aku wujud dlm dunia ini..aku brharap ari ini lbih brmkna dr ari2 biase...tp sumenye same spt ari2 sblmnye..tiade ape yg special...aku brniat utk hepi ari ni....aku brsyukur dan hepi krn rmai jgk kwn2 yg wish besday aku...tiade yg lbih mngembirakan aku d hari lahir ku ini selain ucapan dari org2 trsyg dan kwn2...tp ntah knp air mate jtuh jgk pd ari istimewa ini....dlm kgmbiraan ade jgk kelukaannye....tiade sbrg ucapan dari org yg kuharapkan....sedih...it's really meaningful to me if that someone wishes a happy besday to me...but that's never gonna happen for my entire life...................

LOVE STORY

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Eve. She didn’t have many friends and she only lived in her little own world. Her only close friends were her family and her pets. She enjoyed herself by doing the things she likes such as listening to music, watching movies, and reading love stories. When she was in a high school, she admired someone whose name is Adam. He was in the same class as her. It was a normal thing happened during that age. They never befriends, not even talks. She just liked to watch that boy and couldn’t take her eyes off him every time they were in the class. In the class, Eve always got the highest mark in English. All her classmates knew about that. Apparently, she had a favourite teacher named Mr. Ronald. He used to be her class teacher. He was proud of her because her English was not very bad. It was hard for students at that school to get good result in English. Mr. Ronald made her felt appreciated and he gave her support to improve her English by giving her an English magazine every month. It made her felt happy and proud of herself. During the final year in the high school, a camp for one of the subjects was held in one place for four days. Only students in her class were compulsory to participate. When they reached there, they were given rooms. They could choose their own roommates. Her roommate was Elly, the closest friend in her class. Before they reached to their rooms, some boys offered to give their hands to carry their huge bags. They were Adam and his best friends, Zack and Luke. She and her classmates had some fun there. On their way back from the camp, Eve sat by herself in the bus. Out of the blue, there was someone sat next to her. It was Adam! He just sat there in order to have some chats with his friends who sat behind Eve and on the other side. She thought that he just sat there for a while but throughout the journey, until she reached her home. Right through the journey, she didn’t know exactly what she felt. All she knew was her heart beaten faster than before and she felt uneasy. After a few weeks, Adam asked her the meaning of a word in English. That was the first and the last time they were staring into each other’s eyes. Sadly, she couldn’t answer him because couldn’t find the answer of his question. It was just a simple question but it didn’t cross her mind because her mentality couldn’t think and function as it should be the moment he looked into her eyes.

Time went by swiftly and it was the time for school graduation and farewell. The last day that she saw Adam was when the day for filling the form for furthering studies to tertiary level. She knew that they won’t meet again and she just wished good bye to him in her heart. After finishing the school, she tried to find his phone number. Months later, she managed herself into a well-known university. Nevertheless, she didn’t give up on searching his number. After some time, she got the number from one of her classmates. She started contact him and to her surprise, he gave her a good respond. From that day on, they became good friends. They even shared their ups and downs together. Just through texting, they became close in a year or two but everything was changed when she found out that he was in love with someone. Her heart stopped beating and fell apart the moment he told her and there were tears in her eyes. She didn’t know why she cried and she just couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Eve couldn’t sleep that night just because of the news. Then she realized that she had fallen for him. However, she just kept the feelings inside and nobody knows about that. Though they still friends, there was distance between them. Adam was changed. He hardly ever texting Eve anymore or even replied it. They continued to be like that after some time and then everything was back to normal again when they became close friends just like before. Soon she found out the he broke up with his girlfriend and he had no one to turn to. Maybe that was the reason why he texting her again. Months later, the same story happened again when he disappeared again. He just came and gone just like that. Then again Eve found out that he got someone new. That time she realized that Adam just came to her only when he had no one. Eve was really heartbreaking to be treated like that. He just came to her whenever he needed her and forgot about her whenever he didn’t need her.

Eve was really had a heartbroken and she tried to forget him. She tried to put aside the feelings that she had for him. Yet, the more she tried to forget him, the more her mind thought about him. Although it’s hard, she tried to live like nothing happened and went on with her life. Sooner or later, the feeling was fading away…………….


to be continued...........

Do i really have a crush on him?

1. Take notice of how you and your body react next time you see him. If you feel nervous or feel your heart skip a beat or start to sweat, you probably like him. -YES
2. Notice what you think about when you think of the guy. If thinking of him makes you nervous, excited or happy, you probably have a crush on him.- IT MAKES ME SAD INSTEAD
3. Notice whenever you try to go to the same exact place where he is. For example, when you are in school, you pass by his locker, or the places where you know he may be. -YES
4. Notice whenever you try to make a guy jealous. This may be a sign you like him. -NO
5. Notice if you talk to your friends about him a lot. -SOMETIMES
6. Notice whenever you try to get his attention. -YES
7. Notice if you try to make friends with his friends, or keep finding reasons to get close to him. -YES
8. Notice whenever you try to get information about him. -YES
9. Count how many times you think about him a day. If you think about him more than several times, you probably like him. -YES
10. Notice, how many times you've tried to google his name and how many times you've tried to search his personal page on MYSPACE or other social networking site. -YES..ON FB
11. Notice if you feel jealous or get mad at him for any little thing he does. -YES
12. Notice if your friend says you blush whenever he's around or his name is mentioned. -NO, THEY DON'T KNOW BOUT THIS.
13. Notice if you feel jealous when he's around other girls and/or flirts with them. -YES
14. Notice if your friends tell you that you were staring at him, and you don't even realize it. -NO, THEY DON'T NOTICE THAT.
15. If you talk about him in one of your conversations to anybody who will listen, he is stuck in your mind, and you probably like him. -YES
16. When you're getting dressed in the morning before school you always think "Will _____ like this?" Or something similar. -YES
17. You look forward to the one class you have with him or, you are so thankful you have more than one class with him. -YES
18. Notice if you think about him in the most random moments. -YES
19. If you're shy, notice when you avoid eye contact and blush when you are around him. -YES
20. If you walk by him and always glance over to see if he noticed you. -YES
21. You think about him the most and always have a smile on your face if you do. -YES, BUT IT MAKES ME SAD.
22. You remember incidents or moments you've had with him. -YES
23. Notice if you always look to see where he is. -YES
24. You might act differently with him than with other guys. -MAYBE
25. Notice if your friend says that you were doing something to get his attention, but you didn't even know that you did. -NO, COZ THEY DON'T KNOW
26. When you go to school you always see if he is there that day or you're always wanting to go just to see him. -YES
27. Notice if you always think of reasons, especially the small ridiculous reasons, to talk to him or to continue a conversation. -NO, NEVER TALK TO HIM
28. Notice if you are the first one to text him or to start a conversation with him. -NO, TOO SHY TO DO SO
29. You can't sleep well. -SOMETIMES
30. Notice if you get a sudden thrill whenever you hear his name. -YES
31. Finally, the biggest sign that there is: Were you thinking of him as you read this whole page? Did you search for this article so you could find out if you were crushing on him? If the answer to both of those is "Yes," then you like him a lot! -YES!!!!!!!!!!!

----->>WHAT DOES IT MEAN???????????? I'M GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT THIS!

Untukmu...

F,
Setiap kali terpandang wajah,
Terpegun aku dan terpesona,
Dengan senyuman dan pandangan mata mu,
Membuatkan hati ini tidak keruan..

Tanpa aku sedari,

Perasaan minat ini bertukar mnjadi cinta.


F,
Mungkinkah dikau,
Putera yang kucari dalam jagaku,
Slalu terbayang dan termimpi-mimpi,
Hingga terbawa di dalam lenaku...
Andainya dirimu sudi memandang dan menerimaku,
Kan kumahkotakanmu jauh di sudut hatiku.

Ku kan menyayangimu dengan setulus hati...

Dan akan ku setia pada yang satu..

Kerana diriku bukanlah,

Seorang yang mudah menyerahkan cinta.
Untuk memilikimu..
Setinggi gunung harapan,
Bukalah pintu hatimu untuk cinta ini,
Hanya ini harapanku,
Semoga impian ini kan menjadi nyata,
Bersamamu............

aku buntu...

kepada sahabatku:

ku berharap waktu dan ketika ini kamu bahagia dgn org tersayang...
dan tidak hairan la klu kamu dah melupai aku...
sesungguhnya die lbih penting...
kamu mmbuat satu keputusan yg bijak dgn menukar nombor fon...
kerana itu saja cara utk ku melupai kamu..
tiada cara lg utk ku terus mnggangu ketenangan hidupmu
yang x perlu kehadiranku lagi....
 walau bagaimanapun...
ku berharap sampai satu saat kamu akn mengingati aku,
kamu akan merindui aku,
kamu akn sedar yg kamu telah kehilangan seorg kwn....

selamat tinggal sahabatku...

kepada  si dia:

aku seperti org bodoh kerana menyukai kamu...
meminati kamu tnpa pngetahuan kamu dan org len...
kdg2 smpai hmpir gile memikirkan knp harusku jd begini...
kamu telah membina rumah di dlm otakku...
dan aku gagal menghalau kamu keluar...
kamu yg slalu ku fikirkan...
kamu yg slalu ku angankan...
tp xkn smpai dlm mimpi pon kamu nk ikut?
dan setiap kali ku terpandang kelibatmu..
ku x dpt mngalihkan pndanganku ke arah lain lg...
kamu telah menarik perhatianku...
tetapi realiti membuatku sedih...
membuatkan hatiku sakit...
kerana ku tahu itu semua hanyalah satu mimpi...
satu angan2 kosong...
sesungguhnya mimpi itu mmg indah...
tetapi realiti membuatkan aku mengalir air mata...
untuk menerima kenyataan..
yg kamu x pernh tau ttg kewujudan aku...
kamu  yg x pernah dan x akn memandang aku...
kerana aku sedar siapa aku nk dbandingkan dgn dirimu...
seorang insan biasa yg tiada apa2 keistimewaan...
sampai bila harusku begini?
aku sudah penat dan letih dgn prasaan ini...
tolonglah aku ya Allah...
berikan aku kekuatan dan ketabahan hati...

love comes to me like this

Sit down for a minute
I need you to listen
My heart is only tryin' to understand
I already stumbled and fell into your love
Like a castle falling in the sand


You were never there to hold me
When I needed your hands
You were never there to listen
When I needed a friend
Gave me lovin' for a day
And never gave it again
Now I'm standin' outside your door


Knock knock knock
Nobody's there but me
Am I the only one hangin' on
Knock knock knock
Nobody's home but me
I'm the only one hangin' on

One-sided love


Love's so deceivin'
You had me believin'
That you would never let me down
You dangled your candy in front of a baby
And you took your sweets across the town